What Happens If You Are Late Picking Up Your Child?
If you are like me, I bet you spend a lot of time in your car waiting for your teen or tween. I find myself waiting a ridiculous amount of time for mine to finish up whatever is on their schedule. THEIR schedule.
Who cares about your schedule, right? Who cares that you had to duck out of work early, bob and weave through nightmare traffic, avoid Johnny Law, and suppress visions of your crying child standing lonely on a curb under a single raincloud, just so you make it on time. But who’s time are we really talking about here? THEIR time. At the end of the day, you are on THEIR schedule and THEIR time, whether you like it or not.
Exhibit A provides a process flow of the illogical vortex we enter when we start living in a world revolving around their time. The various paths of inevitable failure are described in the sections below.
Like me, you’ve probably come flying into a school parking lot on two wheels, sweating like a sinner in church, frazzled, with a death grip on the wheel just to make sure you honor your commitment to make it on time.
There are a few ways this can go from here:
1. The Diesel
You could immediately be arrested for Tokyo Drifting into the Kiss and Ride
2. The McFerrin
They come out right when you show up. At which point birds sing, the sun winks down, you slowly lift your foot off the brake, and gently roll off toward home smiling and whistling “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”.
This…never…happens.
(Just as that song should never be whistled by a grown ass man)
3. The 2 Phase Wait
You wait, they ultimately make an appearance, then disappear for phase 2 of the waiting period. Phase 2 is undefined.
This one is always a joy as you’ve been teased by an actual appearance. They quickly dismiss you and say “I’ll be right back.” You wait with bated breath thinking at any moment they’ll actually come outside to leave with you. Sometimes in your blind optimism and foolish ambition you’ll even fire up the car and let the AC create the perfect environment for their arrival. As time ticks by, laughing in your face, you slowly start to realize you aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. You cut the car off and wilt into your seat.
4. The Jack-in-the-Box
You wait, they don’t show for an un-Godly amount of time and then just as you are about to kick the door open on your car, they stroll out and hop in the car like their Number 2 smells like roses.
5. The Shining
You wait, they don’t show for an un-Godly amount of time, and you find yourself etching “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” in your dashboard with the remnants of a spork from your backseat. You ultimately kick the door open on your car and hunt them down inside the building.
Now, what happens if YOU are late?
God forbid you happen to be late, or take your time since you’ve already learned from the 856 other times you’ve picked them up that they won’t be ready. What happens when you show up later than the pick up time?
You’ll usually receive a flurry of texts informing you that you are late. You’ll also get numerous texts voicing their angst at the thought of you not being there on time and how much they are ready to go. This usually is accentuated with a few “Ugh”s and “OMG”s. You’ll be asked repeatedly when you’ll be there. Then when you arrive, fate kicks you square in the family jewels and you are reset back to the start of the scenarios outlined above.
It’s a wicked dance we play with our kids.
What has been your experience when you pick up your kid from school, practice, or an event? How do you handle it? Do you have another scenario?
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