6 Unwritten Roles of Dads, Number 3 Still Gives Me the Shivers

There are many roles that dads play every day in their kids’ lives. Some of these roles are rather commonplace, bland, and widely recognized. But some are quite the opposite. Some go unnoticed yet truly speak volumes about the value of a father. Which of the following roles do you fit? Which role would you add to the list?

1. Ninja Picture Taker

As fathers, it is our duty to get the shot. You may have to leap out into the aisle of a wedding, crash the stage area for a recital, or stand up in the back of an auditorium with a tripod and super zoom lense, but it has to be done.

We often sacrifice our pride and suffer humiliation all in hopes of capturing the moment. Regardless of the situation and the unwritten rules of decency, we go out of our way to be in position to get the picture we want.

2. Grocery Store Hooligan

Am I the only one that will tell my daughters to leave the cart at the end of the aisle then walk halfway down the aisle with a roll of paper towels, turn around, simulate a snap count, take a 5 step drop then fire a perfect pass into the cart for a score?

No?

As dads, we often take the boring task of going to the grocery store to new and exciting heights by turning every product selection into some sort of adventure. It’s our job.

You may suffer a wicked glance from the old lady in the aisle looking for raisins, but you push forward anyway. Go ahead and circle back to that sample cart 10 more times, they’ll NEVER recognize you.

3. Funk Doctor

As dads, we are often sent into the stanky unknown to take care of the nastiest jobs you can imagine. For instance, it may be your job to empty the Diaper Genie. I have teenagers now and I STILL have PTSD from those cylindrical harbingers of hell.

Your job as funk doctor covers everything from pulling out massive clumps of hair from drains to cleaning the poop off your dog’s butt. This job stinks…literally.

4. Punching Bag

If there is a lap in the house that needs a knee, yours usually fits the bill. As dads, we are seen as the default bearer of all punches, hits, slaps, and climbs. Our arms are seen as natural opportunities to cling onto or swing from. Our heads are just the right size to wrap around and yank side to side. We resemble tackle dummies and seek never-ending surprise attacks.

In some strange way, we love it though.

5. Noise Whisperer

How many times in the last month have you had to go investigate a noise that you KNOW is nothing. Yet, you slowly drag your feet along and act like you are really looking all over the house.

Dads are always getting on the floor peeking under beds, opening closets with baseball bats, and stumbling around the house because someone thought they heard something. For some reason, genetics has mysteriously rendered the dad’s ear incapable of hearing these same noises.

6. Judge, Jury, and Executioner

I’ve posted about this in the past but this is a job that has dad written all over it. We are constantly summoned to handle the plight of some stupid insect that was spotted from across the room.

My youngest daughter has sonar, infrared eyesight, and a sixth sense. She spots bugs the typical human eye would never see. Given the fact these bugs are infinitesimal, they must be handled immediately so they don’t kill us all.

Dads are the ones that have to deal with the intrusion of any foreign species in the house. It could be a mouse, a bug, a snake…whatever. It’s our duty to take care of it…STET!

Which of these roles do you typically fill? All of them? What else should be added to the list? I’d love to hear from you.