Unexpected Discussions With Your Daughter

As a father, when you first find out you’re having a daughter, one of the thoughts that invariably crosses your mind is the fact that sports may not be a prominent part of your relationship. I’m not sure why this is, but it was the case for me. Sure, you know there is a chance they’ll play a sport or perhaps watch sports with you from time to time. But, will it be at the same level of competitiveness or engagement that you’d expect from a son? Sons are supposed to play sports, right? Daughters might play sports. Why is this even part of our thinking? Is it some sexist remnant engrained in our heads from subtle societal influences during our own childhood?

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve found myself engaged in conversations with my daughter that I didn’t think would ever happen. Our ongoing dialog had me thinking deeper about preconceived notions related to father daughter relationships when it comes to sports.

My oldest daughter is a junior in high school. She came home one day and let me know she was participating in the timeless tradition of PowderPuff football as part of homecoming. Over the following days, I found myself talking to her about things I had never imagined. Even though the intent of the game is rooted in entertainment and good clean fun, my daughter is pretty competitive and both teams were taking the game seriously. I’ve always supported my daughters with whatever they wanted to do, so I was all in.

The first thing I did was go out and buy a new football. The football I had was beat down and didn’t hold any air. Who would’ve thought I’d be out buying a football to toss around the yard with my daughter? Who would’ve thought she’d be so excited when I showed up with the football?

We started to practice.

We would toss the ball around the yard, and sometimes in the house – much to the chagrin of my wife. I taught her the proper hand position for receiving a pass and how to catch the ball away from her body. I taught her the proper hand/arm position for getting a handoff. I showed her how to align her fingers with the laces and the art of leading a receiver when passing. I told her about timing patterns, buttonhooks, slants, and in/out patterns. I sketched up X’s and O’s on a notebook and went over all the player positions and their responsibilities. I taught her how to watch the quarterback’s head to read where they are going to throw and how to watch the receiver’s eyes as they start to trace an inbound ball. I taught her how to run in the open field to avoid her flags being pulled, how to spin, and how to turn a defender around and around using running angles. And of course, I taught her how to high step into the end zone with one hand behind her head like Deion.

She soaked it all up. So did my youngest daughter and all of their friends. I had to call them in on some nights and tell them it was getting too dark to be outside playing football. It was a memorable, yet somewhat surreal, experience that filled me with pride and joy.

But, why was it so out of the ordinary? Why should I have even thought twice about it? My girls have played soccer since they were very young, they both dance, and my oldest has recently been heavily involved with track. They both watch sports with me from time to time and cheer wildly when our teams do well. So, why did this time feel so different and draw out these questions in my mind?

Maybe it was because this was a sport reserved for men. It’s a members-only club typically untouched at this deeper level between a father and daughter. Girls only cover from the periphery without actually experiencing the sweat and the dust, right? They don’t need to understand these foreign concepts and the intricacies of something in which they won’t compete at higher levels.

But this shouldn’t be the case.

I was all in from the beginning and so should you. Lessons learned apply well beyond football. Foster their curiosity and passion for anything and everything they decide to explore. There is nothing stopping you from tossing the football with your daughter. There is nothing preventing you from discussing the merits of a 3-4 or a 4-3 defense.

If they want to know, teach them. If they want to play, play with them. Tell them everything they want to know – and more. Nothing should be off limits and nothing should preclude you from diving deep into uncharted territory with your daughter. Embrace the unexpected, yet fulfilling, discussions that arise. Who knows, you might just learn something. One thing is for sure though. You’ll end up loving every minute of it.