There are many things you SHOULD be doing for your kids every day. But what about the things you should NOT be doing. Or the things you should stop doing as soon as possible.
Here are 10 things you should examine…
1. Stop sheltering them from all bad things in the world
Let’s face it, the world is a screwed up place. All the proof you need is found by simply watching the nightly news or browsing to a major news website. Nearly every story is about something bad happening. In some cases, the event is extreme. Particular examples that come to mind are the Sandy Hook massacre, the Batman theatre shooting, and the Boston Marathon bombing. These events represent violent extremes that are difficult to understand and process. The days immediately following were filled with graphic reports and news footage documenting the gruesome injuries, the pain suffered by individuals involved, and the surreal details of what happened. In the case of the Boston Marathon bombing, we also witnessed a live manhunt unrivaled in history.
During these events, many parents feel it’s best to not talk to their kids about what is going on. This approach of sticking your head in the sand and hoping everything just goes away should only be used by those parents with really young kids (probably under 7). If your kids are older and ask you about what’s going on, tell them. If you don’t, someone else will. There is no way you could expect to send your kid to school the days following events such as these and hope they avoid being exposed. You need to tell them there are bad people in the world that do things that we can’t explain.
While it is important to not shield them from the ways of the world, you should still exercise caution and limit the amount they consume.
2. Stop shoveling excessive coursework down their throats in, and before, elementary school
You’ll often run into those parents that find it necessary to drive excessive academics into their child’s head at a very early age. We’re all for a strong educational system and providing the optimal learning environment for our children but some parents tend to go overboard in a relentless pursuit to instill knowledge into their child or to show us the elite intelligence level of their offspring. Some parents will have their child doing Algebra, listening to Chopin, learning multiple languages, beginning to play the piano, and memorizing the periodic table all before kindergarten. This is not necessary and may actually hurt the kid in the long run. They have a lifetime of learning ahead of them. Don’t stunt their natural curiosity and exploration of the world by forcing them to attend classes or events you feel will make them a prodigy. Let your kids be kids. Let them go out, kick around in the dirt, play tag, wipe their nose on their sleeve, and enjoy just being a kid.
3. Stop measuring their success simply by their grades
Grades are the unfortunate measure of how successful and intelligent our kids seem to be. However, today’s school system is leaning more and more toward excelling at standardized tests rather than true and enduring education. What often happens is teachers are forced to drive content into our kid’s brains in an effort to report solid test scores. Teachers’ hands are tied and as a result our kids often find themselves becoming master short term memorizers. Some of the smartest, and most successful individuals, in the world struggled in school. Some even dropped out completely. This includes people like Thomas Edison, Benjamin Franklin, Bill Gates, Richard Branson, Albert Einstein, John D Rockefeller, Walt Disney, Jackie Collins, Charles Dickens, Liz Claiborne, Princess Diana, and Ray Kroc.
With all of that said, grades are still the standard measurement for competency in particular subjects and a necessary tool in our society. They still represent requirements for moving to the next grade, ultimately graduating high school, and entrance into college. As such, we can’t completely turn a blind eye to them. The point here is that a few Bs or an occasional C is ok. Life will continue the next day and it does not mean your child is a failure.
4. Stop letting them run rampant in the store while you shop
Do parents not watch TV cop shows? How easy is it for your kid to be snatched in an instant. Stop completely disregarding your child and letting them run free in the store. Beside the fact it is incredibly unsafe, it’s also extremely annoying to your fellow shoppers. We don’t want the burden of parenting your kid to fall upon us.
5. Stop forcing your kids to do something they may not want to do
There are parents out there that love to live vicariously through their kids. You’ll see this in various aspects in young people’s lives. You may run into it at a dance class, at your child’s soccer practice, or watching a kid lug around an instrument back and forth to school. These parents feel it necessary to force their kid to do an activity, often at a level that the child really doesn’t find interesting. You may see the parent have their kid out alone at the practice field running them through a series of drills and exercises. While this is not always an indicator of a problem and in fact many kids and parents know exactly how to pull this off, there are those parents that are out of control. You’ll see the kid running in oppressive heat around the field with zero enjoyment written clearly on their face. The parent is barking instructions and forcing the kid to repeat over and over.
Let your kids experiment and try different things that they like. Don’t force them to do an activity because you want them to or you feel they might get some benefit later. Those kids that are driven hard at a young age and forced to do something beyond their enjoyment often burn out by the time they hit their teens. Work with your kids to find what they are truly passionate for then embrace it. (Tweet That!) Don’t force it upon them and subsequently burn them out.
6. Stop doing their school projects for them
Parents, stop doing your kids homework and projects. They will never grow to be independent and successful learners if you do all the work for them. Let them experiment, struggle, and sometimes fail. They need to know what it’s like to be responsible for something and how to complete a task. How else will your kids experience the joy of accomplishment if they don’t appreciate what it takes to get there? (Tweet That!)
7. Stop letting them watch ridiculous TV shows
There are a lot of shows on TV that provide no value. A lot. Don’t let your child sit down and vegetate watching a marathon of Toddlers and Tiaras, the Kardashians, or Swamp People. You might as well get a chair, sit your child down, and point them at the wall. One particular danger is with Disney Channel shows. While they are not inherently bad, they do tend to run into each other and you really never know when one ends and another begins. Your child ultimately zones out in front of the TV waiting for “just one more episode” to end.
8. Stop fostering an environment that makes them fat
Just as there are worthless TV shows, there are also other things that provide no value. Soda is one of those things. You really could question how this concoction made it to the market in the first place. It provides no nutritional value and ultimately results in negative health effects.
At an even higher level, let’s just stop fostering an environment that makes our kids fat (Tweet That!). Stop buying boxes upon boxes of doughnuts, soda, and potato chips. Stop thinking McDonalds is a viable option for family dinner. Stop neglecting to feed your kids fruit and vegetables. You, as the parent and as the provider, control what comes into your house. Stop bringing in all the junk then wondering why your kid is packing on the pounds.
9. Stop allowing them to play video games all day
Everyone loves to play games. Most of us grew up in the blossoming gaming industry and have stories about all the fun we had playing Pac Man, Galaga, and Donkey Kong. Today’s kids are on a whole other level. Don’t let your kid sit around for days playing Call of Duty or World of Warcraft. Don’t let them constantly play Candy Crush as the world goes by. Gaming provides many benefits, but like anything, too much of a good thing can ultimately be bad for you.
10. Stop ignoring them
This is probably the most important thing to stop when it comes to your kids. Stop ignoring them. Kids want and need attention from their parents. You are there to provide guidance, love, and support as they learn their way in the world. Be there for them with whatever they need. Pay attention to what’s going on in their lives. Engage with them regularly and experience life with them. When you get home from work, don’t just sit down on the couch and watch TV, dismissing your kids with the wave of your hand. Don’t bury your head in your iPhone or computer while your kid plays in the background. Take the time to ask them what happened today and what is going on in their world. Spend some time playing with them instead of your gadgets. Your toys will always be there for you after the kids have fallen asleep.
Find out about their school, their interests, and their passions. Discuss events in the world, new innovations, and the brilliant advances in today’s world. Expose them to things they may have never thought about. Always be there for them. Not only will it benefit them, it will make your life so much more fulfilling.
Stopping something is usually difficult to do. You may be worried about the immediate ramifications without understanding the long-term benefits. However, as seen above, stopping these types of activities may ultimately enrich your children’s lives.
How do you compare? Are you doing some of the things listed above? Are you currently guilty of some of the above but working to do better? What else would you add to the list? What do you find the most challenging in trying to stop some of these behaviors with your children?
pam schmidt says
excellent points, Jeff! I particularly love the ones about an environment where kids get fat, and ignoring kids while in the store.
jeffdstephens says
Exactly, Pam! Sometimes seem so simple to some parents yet others don’t get it.
C L B says
Great article, and I’m happy to say, though I’m far from perfect, I do make a conscious effort on all of the topics mentioned. Another thing that drives me crazy, I’m finding that some parents feel that by sending their kids outside to play, they are making the right choice. I’m all for outside time. The problem I have is the parents who have little or no idea what their child is doing, other than they are “outside.” We moved last year and once in our new home, one child from a few houses down the street was constantly in my front yard, playing with my kids, under my supervision, and it was MONTHS before I ever even saw or met one of his parents. The section about not ignoring your kids at the grocery store made me think of this.
jeffdstephens says
Absolutely. I don’t understand that either. Letting them go outside is good, but there is still a level of awareness and supervision that is necessary.
Driacover says
Not sheltering is huge. It can go a long way for child. This hugely affects the way they handle various things as adults. I believe the more diverse a child is, equals to the more tolerant and wise they are as adults.
jeffdstephens says
Completely agree Dria. Give them the tools and awareness to figure things out without waiting for someone else to take the lead.
Sheila says
Great list excellent points I’m guilty of … food I love vegetables and fruits my daughter hates them, so I don’t force ….went to Target today let she walk on her own but after few minutes put her back on the shopping cart glad I did, will save your list for future references
jeffdstephens says
Thanks Sheila! And I agree, it’s sometimes hard to get them to eat those fruits and vegetables. The bigger issue is having those really bad options just sitting around the house for them to eat. I’m still trying to get this one right. I’ll look around and say “how the hell did those snickers get here.” Then of course I have to eat them to save the kids
Christy Garrett says
This is an awesome list. I feel that school shoves too much work on young children today. I get it that they only have so many hours in a day but when they come home with hours of homework, they no longer have time to be a kid.
jeffdstephens says
No doubt Christy. And it just gets worse the further they get into school. There were many nights this past school year where my oldest didn’t get to sleep until midnight or sometimes beyond. Their course requirements, along with any extra-curricular activities, really puts a load on them. I guess the good thing is they will definitely be equipped with time management skills going forward.
Scadi says
I’d say – let them watch Fight Club once they come about 15-16 y.o. I like Aristotle’s quote on this matter: “Don’t do to others which you don’t want they to do to you”. I rephrase it into: “Do to others what you wish they to do to you”. It’s more proactive this way. What I mean is, for example, instead of sheltering them – teach them how to deal with dangers; instead of making them study their asses off – watch what they are interested in and make sure that hey have the option of following that path; and so on… Catch my drift?? 😉
jeffdstephens says
Beautifully said! You touched on one of the main reasons I don’t shelter my girls. They need to understand there are bad people in the world…predators and sick bastards. If they are sheltered, they are much more at risk of being manipulated. BTW, love Fight Club!
alex smith says
Jeff – I really enjoyed this post and the previous one on playground games. Take a moment and check out PlayGroundology. It would be great if you could reference the Dads4Play Pledge – http://bit.ly/11Cwi1e. All the best with your girls. I’m dad to 4 girls and 1 boy ranging from 3 to 30 years old. Cheers, Alex
jeffdstephens says
Thanks Alex. Love the name PlayGroundology. And, I have NO idea how you do it with 4 girls. Yikes!
Wendy Lynne says
As you said stopping is definitely difficult to do sometimes, but so important! As a parent of 2 teenage boys I see the wisdom of applying these tips at an early age so you avoid bigger issues in their teens.
jeffdstephens says
I agree Wendy. Wow, two teenage boys. I’m not sure if boys or girls are better during those years. I have two girls and so far not so bad. But, I bet they are eating you out of house and home. Teen boys can EAT.