Yes, you read that correctly. Having kids from different mothers is a wonderful thing. It can be extremely rewarding and beneficial not only to you, but also for all of those kids.
Now, before you start thinking I’m advocating sleeping around with multiple women and bringing kids into the world that way, relax, that is not what I’m referring to. I’m talking about being a parent that engages with your son or daughter’s friends in a way that you ultimately become adopted as their “other dad”.
I remember when my daughters were really young and I’d go to their dance studio to drop them off or pick them up. Their friends would always run over to me and scream, “hey Mr. Jeff!” They’d jump up to give me a high five, or try to swing from my arms.
NOTE: Being a man, you have to tread lightly here. Play it safe and remain calm and disengaged. You have to be cognizant of perceptions. NOBODY wants some random man roughhousing with their kids. It’s creepy and frankly inappropriate. So, you have to make sure you maintain boundaries.
As your kids get older, your interaction evolves. It is less about the high fives and hanging from arms and more about general conversation, guidance, and being an adult to talk to. My daughter’s friends still refer to me as “dad”, “my other dad”, or “Mr. Jeff”. Every time I hear it, it warms my heart.
So, here are 5 reasons why you should be that dad that engages with your child’s friends.
1. You are another leader in their life
Each family situation is different. You may not know what their home life is like. You may not know how they interact with their parents. Is it a good relationship? Is it strained? Do they argue? Who knows?
You may never know. All you can do is be a positive influence in their life when they are around. Look out for them as if they were your kids. I recently helped one of my daughter’s friends with a letter she was writing to a college she was interested in attending. She summoned up the courage to ask for help and I immediately jumped in to assist however I could. I didn’t think twice about it.
2. You provide an alternate view of the world
As mentioned above, you really don’t know what goes on in their house. You don’t know the viewpoints or conversations their family has at night. You can provide a glimpse into the world from an entirely different viewpoint. You can expose them to different ways of thinking. Through your interaction, they’ll learn to understand that there are many ways of looking at what’s going on in the world.
Often kids get wrapped up only in what their parents tell them. This is understandable, but is it the best? Probably not. The more they can be exposed to different thinking and alternate views, the better.
3. You improve their communication skills
How many times have you talked to a teen and all you get is random mumbling and an occasional, “fine”? The more they interact with you, the better they will get at talking to adults.
Most kids are nervous and intimidated when talking to grown ups. Can you remember how you used to act with your friend’s parents?
You can help them learn life skills by providing a relaxed environment where they can engage and get used to communicating their ideas and viewpoints with adults. This can go a long way in their maturity and help them down the road when they find themselves at college, going on job interviews, or transitioning into the working world.
4. You set an example of how we should treat each other
Kids need to see positive examples of how adults should interact with kids. Our communication with kids doesn’t always have to be discipline and direction. Sometimes you can just have a general lighthearted conversation. Exhibit mutual respect and let them see how two people can get along, express ideas, and learn from each other.
That last part is important. This is not a one way experience. You also learn a tremendous amount from these kids. Be open to the conversation and embrace what they say too.
5. Your kids benefit by having a parent that their friends get along with
Your kids also benefit when you form a positive relationship with their friends. Those friends will start to see your child in a better light because they get along with you. Having a solid relationship with your son or daughter’s friends allows a much more open environment and provides an environment where your children’s friendships can be nurtured. If you are hostile to your kids or refuse to engage with their friends, this creates a negative vibe. Who wants to hang out in a place where everything and everyone is tense?
It’s important on many levels that we, as dads, do our part in providing guidance, leadership, and an open door for our kids’ friends. It may not seem like much, but we are serving a very important role in their lives and are helping them gain life skills that will benefit them down the road.
Take the time to talk to them. Learn from them. Engage with them. Don’t simply say, “hi” and retreat to the basement to watch the TV. At least take a moment to see how their day was and ask what’s going on in their world. It can make a tremendous impact for them, and you.
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