Be a Hero to Your Kids

There I was sitting on the couch settling in to watch the NBA All Star game when all of the sudden I hear my oldest daughter frantically calling from upstairs, ‘Daddy!  Daddy!  Come quick!’.  She had a few friends spending the night as part of her ongoing birthday celebration so I had no idea why I was being summoned.  I came up the stairs as fast as I could asking her if it was a spider.  That’s usually the reason they scream out my name.  I burst into her room and felt like a police officer arriving at the scene of a major crime.  I heard multiple versions of what happened from various people, all at once.  The only thing I DID know was that a hermit crab had gone down the drain.

As a quick back story, my daughters had brought home these hermit crabs when they visited the beach over the summer.  I gave them probably a week to survive.  They, of course, defied my logic and are still alive today.  So, I find myself actually having to go to the pet store and buy hermit crab supplies.  Are you kidding me?  Who even knew the ugly creatures needed supplies?  There were originally 3 hermit crabs.  A rather large one named Bambi.  I know, it makes no sense.  My wife lovingly calls it Big Poppa.  There was also a medium-sized one named Hound Dog (who died by not going into a new shell…yes, one of the new shells I bought at the pet store).  The smallest of the bunch is Popcorn.  Of course, Popcorn is usually the troublemaker.  He’s been an escapee at least one other time.

I found out Popcorn (of course) was the one that fell down the drain.  My daughter was showing her friends the hermit crabs in the sink and Popcorn started to grab onto the drain cover.  She picked up the drain cover to dislodge the crab, and that’s when he saw his opening.  He released from the cover, dropped to the sink, and went down the drain, hoping to pull a Nemo and end up in the ocean I guess.  My brain was racing as I tried to figure out how to get the stupid crab out of the drain.  I thought to myself, the pipe has a trap, so that would catch him.  Would he be able to crawl all the way back up?  My wife said she saw him try but he fell back into the water.  Water.  Can hermit crabs survive under water?  I asked my daughter how long they could stay submerged and still live.  She and her friends quickly pulled their phones and Googled it.  I had somewhere between a few minutes to 20 minutes or so to attempt the rescue.

I knew removing the trap was not a trivial task and probably not my best approach.  It would take time and tools, both of which I did not have.  I decided the best course of action was to send a life line.  I asked for a metal hangar to which my daughter quickly pulled one off her closet floor.  For those without teenage daughters, this is usually where you find the hangars.  I quickly unraveled it and made a long line, hoping the crab would climb it.  I gently slid it down the sink’s drain, careful not to push too hard so I wouldn’t kill him in the process.  That is, if he was even there and still alive.  For all I know, he crawled up the other side and is cruising down the empty side of the pipe with visions of sandy shores.

I pulled the hangar up a few times to see if I snagged anything.  Nothing.  I decided to try and disassemble the plumbing as much as possible.  I ran down to get my tools.  Time was ticking and I had no idea if Popcorn was still alive in the pipe.  I returned upstairs and closed the bathroom door.  I didn’t need or want the distractions coming from the other room.  I left my daughter, her friends, and my wife in the adjoining room so they could continue carrying on about poor little Popcorn.  My daughter was soliciting prayers from her friends and calling out ‘whyyyy, Popcorn!’.  Instagram and Twitter updates were flying fast keeping everyone abreast of the events unfolding in my bathroom.  Of course they were laughing, but I could tell it was a coping mechanism and they REALLY wanted that crab back.

Once the pipes were separated a little, I gained more access.  I still couldn’t really see anything other than the water in the trap.  I formed the hangar into an ‘O’ shape at the base and lowered it back into the pipe.  This time, I let it sit stationary to see if Popcorn would start to climb it.  I waited with the lure in the water and the flashlight shining on the murky water from above.  The water’s surface was still and I saw no movement from underneath.  I waited, with a keen eye on the water, awaiting a miracle.

After a minute or so, I slowly started to pull the wire up from the drain.  I looked at the ‘O’ and saw a yellowish color that I figured was probably sink-gunk.  As I kept slowly pulling the wire, I also noticed little orange colored spots.  ‘That’s not just ordinary sink-gunk, holy sh*t, that’s Popcorn!!’.  I recognized the orange spots from his shell.  Of course I kept my joy to myself because anything could happen at this point in the rescue.  He may drop off the wire, he may already be dead, he may die as soon as he gets to the top, etc.  I also had to make sure I went slow and steady as I removed the wire.  I wanted to make sure I didn’t hurt the little guy in case he was alive.  As I pulled the wire up, his shell came more into focus and I saw his legs.  How many did he have engaged with the wire?  Did he have a good grip or was he barely holding on with one claw?  I saw there were quite a few body parts around the wire.  I had to be delicate on the extraction as I didn’t want to pull too fast and chop his body with the wire.  I slowly guided the wire up, trying to control my trembling hands.  I don’t have the steadiest hands in general and with the intricacy of this extraction, I was like a tazed Katherine Hepburn.  I got the wire to the top and it popped out of the opening.  I quickly looked under the sink to see if there was any sign of him.  Did he fall back into the water as the wire popped out?  Was he dead?  I looked down in the sink and there he was sitting on the top of a bag under the sink.  I anxiously awaited a sign of life.  I nudged him a little and his nasty little arm started to move.  Popcorn was saved!  Now it was safe to tell the family and friends and let the hero worship begin.

I called out to my daughter, ‘I got him!’.  She ran into the bathroom, saw the hermit crab, and erupted in joy.  She wrapped her arms around me and told me how much she loved me and that I saved Popcorn.  Of course I loved every minute of it.  I was glowing from my ingenious feat of water rescue engineering and her reaction was the cherry on top.

As a father, you should always try to be a hero.  Make sure you find those times where you can come in and at least try to save the day.  Don’t give up prematurely and admit defeat.  I could have easily written it off and said the hermit crab probably didn’t make it and there wasn’t anything I could have done.  I could have leaned on the facts they gave me about the survival rate and just said the little guy couldn’t have lived that long under water.  But I didn’t.  And you shouldn’t either.  Spend the extra bit of time trying and you could be rewarded with everlasting love and adulation.  Even if you don’t succeed, they know you tried as hard as you could and put in the effort.  That goes a long way.  If you do pull off the miracle, it feels so good when they call you Superman.

Now I need to run to the store to get some hermit crab food…