Whether it’s sports, dance, band, or even chess, here are a few pointers on not being the parent your kids avoid
Fresh off a quick road trip with my (almost)16 year old daughter, I thought I’d share 6 things I do that I think she ultimately appreciates.
1. Do whatever it takes to make it happen
As was chronicled in my post a few days ago, my daughter had a conflict between a dance competition and a track meet 4.5 hours away. After a lot of analysis of alternatives, we finally settled on having her do her dance competition and then going down for her track meet. This was the RIGHT thing to do as she had originally committed to the dance performance and really shouldn’t back out in the 11th hour. So, she performed her dance at 10pm Friday night. At 10:10, we hit the road. We had a 4.5 hour trip ahead of us to get to Virginia Tech for her track meet, which was scheduled to start at 9am. Yes, you can do the math. We arrived around 2:30am. I’d love to tell you great things to do in the car with your teen on a road trip, but it would be limited to watching them sleep.
We arrived at the hotel at roughly 2:30 and woke up at 6 to get started for the track meet, which is an ALL day event. Some people would call this crazy, to have a late night dance performance, drive from one end of Virginia to the other, then compete in an all day track meet, just to drive all the way back across Virginia. Now you know why my site is called what it is…crazy…dad….life.
2. Don’t talk about the event all the way there and all the way back
This one didn’t really apply to me this time because as I mentioned, she was in a mild coma on the way down and rode back with the team on the way back. But, the important thing here is they really don’t want to spend the whole time strategizing about how they should do this and that, how they should do this during warmups and that after they finish, and the proper technique includes this, and how she didn’t do that last time. Just give it a rest. You can touch on a few things, but don’t go crazy with it Coach.
3. Support, don’t smother
First, the smothering…this is their time with their friends. It’s not about you. Let them hang out with their friends as much as they want. Encourage them to go to their friend’s hotel rooms, go hang out in the hotel lobby, etc. Of course you need to know where they are and what they are doing, but don’t constantly hang out where they are. Don’t come up to them every 15 minutes to talk with them. Let them spread their wings a little bit and enjoy themselves. Now, the support…don’t just put your head in your phone the whole time and ignore what’s going on. You need to support them in what they are doing. Pay attention and keep up with how they are doing, and how their team as a whole is doing. Support their friends too. It’s important that you show interest in what’s going on in their life, which includes those she hangs out with. So, let them participate as much as possible, they’ll remember these trips with their school friends their entire lives.
4. Help them plan
There are always a number of logistics and planning that go into these events. You need to be the one in control of all details. You need to know when the bus is coming, where they are staying, what time the event starts, where they need to be, what they need to wear, etc. While you are in ultimate control, it’s also good to give a little bit of that responsibility and independence to them as well. These are life skills they need to learn. As they get older, of course they can gain more of these responsibilities. But at the end of the day it’s still important to be in charge of all logistics, even if you let them drive a little bit.
5. Go in the pocket
Yep, you’ll need to bring some cash-ola. They are going to want to buy souvenirs, t-shirts, etc., and they should be able to buy these things. As I mentioned earlier, they’ll remember these trips their whole lives. Months later when they pull that t-shirt or sweatpants out of the drawer, it reminds them of the good times. This doesn’t have to apply to EVERY event, but definitely the bigger/special ones.
6. Finally….ENJOY your time together
My oldest is almost 16 now. She’ll be leaving for college soon and that tears me up. Every moment you can spend with them, take advantage, and live it to the fullest. This may sound a little contradictory to my earlier stance of giving them their space. It’s not. You can still enjoy the times from afar. Looking over and seeing her smile and laugh with her friends is special. It warms your heart and you are experiencing it whether she knows it or not.
So, there you go. A few quick tips on how to go on a road trip with kids, and come out being pretty cool. Good luck fellas!
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